craziest fanfic evercompletly OCCxOCCxOCCxloa
by alice1997
Summary: just one chap. if i get a good responce i will post more i welcome ideas to make it funny flames r welcome rated M for language


~~~_takes place as Bella is giving birth to Renessme~~~_

Renessme was just born Bella was holding her when she had what felt like another contraction. Edward took Nessie from Bella and Alice gasped

"Uhhh….. Bella there is another monster I mean thing I mean baby yeah baby in there" Alice said in a mixture of shock, confusion, worry, and nervousness

"WHAT?!?!??!" Bella screamed

She leaned forward and grabbed Alice by the shirt

"Uh Bella please-"Alice was cut off by Bella saying

"Do you mean I have to go through that AGAIN?!?"

"Uh… yes?" Alice squeaked It came out more of a question "Now Bella please release my shirt it's going to get wrinkled" Alice demand pouting and stomping her foot at the end rather childishly

"I don't give a shit about your clothes Alice I am more worried about splitting in half-" Bella was cut off by another contraction she fell back on to the bed screaming she immediately reached and grabbed Edwards hand and squeezed-Hard

"Uh Bella-"Edward was cut off by Bella's scream

"AHHHHHH!!!" Bella screamed

"Please let go of my hand" Edward squeaked out before he was cut off again by another scream

"AHHHHH!" Bella screamed

"Bella let go of my hand it hurts!" Edward whined

"Oh shut the hell up Edward you did this to me!" Bella screamed at him she started to squeeze his hand harder and harder

"Oh god my hand!" Edward screamed "damn it hurts oh my freakin carisile its broken my freakin hand is broken oh god damn it hurts!!!" Edward yelled extremely loudly by then he was on his knees holding his wrist even though his hand is still in Bella's grip.

Rosalie walked in "could ya'll keep it down cuz I am trying to relax oh and Bella could you please stop screaming and damn Edward was right you do smell good!" Rosalie said before she got ready to lunge at Bella but before she could Edward stopped her by saying "oh Rosalie don't kill her! Then you will hill the babies too and think about it you get to help take care of the babies."

"Ahhhh!!!" Bella screamed

"God Bella cant you shut the hell up I are trying to enjoy a good home cooked meal here!" Jacob said coming into the room with a turkey leg in his hand half eaten before he stopped dead and took in Bella –who had no clothes on- "damn Bella I mean you looked better in my imagination you weren't as fat. But man I just can't resist you he jumped up on Bella and started dry humping her. He was getting ready to unzip his pants before Alice said "Oh no Jacob you don't get to have Bella!"

"But why?" Jacob whined

"Because you are supposed to imprint on renessme silly!" Alice replied Edward was still in pain over his hand he was sitting in the corner curled up into a ball holding his hand in the other and rocking back and forth. Chanting "my hand my poor, poor hand what has happened to you? What did that evil mean hurtful hormonal pregnant woman do to you? Don't worry I won't let it happen again"

"UH HELO??!?!?!? I AM GIVING BIRTH HERE?!??!?!?" Bella screamed

"And….?" Jacob and Rosalie asked in unison which resulted in Rosalie glaring at Jacob

"SOME ONE NEEDS TO GET THERE STUPID SELFISH ASS OVER HERE TO HELP ME GIVE BIRTH SINCE MY HUSBAND IS A PANSY ASS!" she screamed her reply to them

"Hey I am not a pansy ass!" Edward said pouting and sitting cross legged still in the corner

"Yes, yes you are Edward." Bella stated certainly

"No I am not!!!" Edward disagreed defiantly still acting like a two year old

"Yes you are Edward and you know it! So don't even deny it" Bella replied

"Oh ok I am but I am YOUR pansy ass." Edward caved Bella just rolled her eyes

Another contraction hit Bella and she screamed "Ahhhhh!!!"

Then Tanya walked in having heard the previous conversation came in and straddled Edwards's waist and leaned over and whispered seductively in Edwards ear "oh Edward you can be _**MY**_ pansy ass if you want to"

"OK SOME ONE NEED TO GET THERE STUPID ASS OVER HERE AND HELP ME!!!" Bella screamed in pain

"Well Bella no one likes your attitude" Alice said tusking a couple of times.

"I DO CARE HELP ME PLEASE!!!!" Bella screamed

"Thank you, you said please now push" Alice told Bella well Bella did and the baby came out… but it stunk really bad….

"Damn Edwards spawn stinks!" Rosalie said

"I don't smell anything" Jacob said

"That could only mean one thing…IT'S A WHEREWOLF!" Rosalie said as Emmett walked in

"One of my nephew's is a werewolf COOL!"she hollered

"Oh Bella how could you do this to me!!!" Edward said falling on the ground and putting his hand on his forehead dramatically…


End file.
